if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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