the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
