How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
