Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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