I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We left the knife in your bed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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