Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
