I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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