Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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