Betty ford says i'm here all night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
