I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
