I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just pee around me
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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