if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
