Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
