The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
