He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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