True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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