I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
