Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
