sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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