then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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