Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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