it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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