We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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