I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
