he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
