Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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