haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he shaved USA in his pubs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
