Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
