You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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