wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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