my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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