There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
