im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
