I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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