Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
