k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
