dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
