What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
