Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
