This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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