Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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