Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
