Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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