as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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