Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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