Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
