I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize