Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
