Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i will never coherently bang her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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