Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
