uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
