Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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