Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
