I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
