It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
