i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
