sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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