How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize