I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just cropdusted the office
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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