Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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