Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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