My hair reeks of homosexuality.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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