3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
