He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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