wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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