Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
