if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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