every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
