Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
