I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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