sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
