you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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